Friday, April 9, 2010

Carrie's submission for week 1

The old woman entered the store wearing a long print skirt, white long sleeved shirt, and a long leather jacket with large pockets. Her black hair hung down her back in a fat braid, and her face was lined from too many days in the sun and cooking over an open fire. Her moccasined feet made no noise as she walked around the Five and Dime looking at all the trinkets and beads, which sometimes found their way into the pockets of her coat. No one seemed to take notice of her, and when she was ready she stopped at the counter and paid for one item. She then strolled silently out the door.

Written by Carrie

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations Carrie on being the first submission to the blog!

    I loved the line "which sometimes found their way into the pockets of her coat."

    One thing I'd look at is your choice of words. For example, in the first sentence you use "long" three times. Vary the adjectives.

    Now I need to get busy writing!